I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
