he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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