he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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