That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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