Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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