i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
