She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
40s are totally the cure
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
