In the future we'll all be gay
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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