she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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