its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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