their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
