Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
