Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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