did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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