She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
