Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
