you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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