She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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