I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
