You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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