I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
