i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
