Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he thought i was a dude.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
