now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
