Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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