He kissed a someone with a penis
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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