then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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