Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
