I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
