I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
