this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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