Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
