just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
