yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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