Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
