Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
