I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
