great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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