i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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