I accidentally had phone sex last night
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
