There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
