i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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