I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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