Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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