Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
