Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
