break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
