i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
