Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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