They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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